Rock & Roll

Early in 2013, the company I worked for underwent a restructuring plan that caused more than 20 jobs to be cut out from our department. Luckily I survived the 1st round of redundancy in place. Four of us moved from the IT group to the Finance group.

I loved my job. The pay was good. It paid our bills and then some. The commute to and from work was divine as it afforded me the luxury of breathing sea air while I digest my daily litanies in silence. My bus ride allowed me to watch wonders roll. From my office desk, St. Patrick’s Cathedral was one traffic light away and St. Benedict’s Church was a free Inner Link Bus ride to get to. Everything I needed was conveniently close. It was the first job I had ever since I moved to Aotearoa and I always believed on it being my forever ever after.

Deep in my heart I knew that something unpleasant was about to happen. I went through an unwanted patch and I was not ready for this curved ball in my life. Suddenly, with the situation at the office, I felt ripped apart with my world caving in. With a heavy heart, I freshened up my CV and sent them out hoping to get interviews. The interviews did came but it never got me to the next stage. I felt an overwhelming sadness and discouragement. I was drowning but no one saw me struggle. It felt like I was going nowhere.

I turned to my anchor, my true north, my faith, my religion.

I signed up to join a choir (even if I couldn’t carry a note) because I wanted Him (my Saviour) to notice. I attended a Christian Life seminar sacrificing 4 hours of 12 succeeding Sundays because I needed His attention. I would grab every chance to attend an extra mass during the week because I was impatient and desperate to find answers. I needed to hear a voice saying out loud, in a very clear tone, what He wanted me to do. But of course, that never happened.

Each day was a struggle. I felt abandoned but I battled on. When the nagging feeling of self doubt settled in, I would pray harder to Senyor Sto Niño, the Mother of Perpetual Help, Saint Joseph and all the saints. It was getting harder to sleep at night. The days were longer. I worried about how to pay the bills and anguished about the future when the inevitable (end of my career) did happen. Days turned to months of internal strife.

I sent cover letters, attended interviews, and waited and waited and waited for one job offer that never seem to come. I was spent emotionally and physically. I was nearing rock bottom and about to break when my miracle happened.

I received an unexpected call for a phone interview that turned into a face to face interview. 2 weeks later, the company sent me a very generous job offer. This was the answer I longed for. It came by surprise from a business that was not even on my radar. The job, the company, the package was a perfect fit. Senyor Sto Niño made it happen at exactly the right time.

My world made a very happy spin. My soul was dancing to Rock and Roll. I was between tears and joy for a heart that was now unburdened. The happiness I felt cannot be described in words. My knees turned to jelly like I was literally lifeless. I wanted to shout Pit Senyor! but instead I rang up my family to share my little piece of heaven – walking Queen Street not knowing where to go exactly. I met Divinity face to face that day.

Because YES,without a doubt, His love and acceptance is overwhelming. Even if there were days that I felt unworthy, He embraced me and never left my side. Imagine the beautiful feeling of adoration.

I have experienced becoming and learned a lot about what’s inside me. He has made my soul grow. His love is so sweet, so filling and so complete. He is my rock at the bottom (this I am certain of). His work in me is not completed but until then, I trust that His plans for me are perfect.

Senyor Sto Niño, daghang salamat sa tanang grasya. 2014 will definitely be a good year. Let’s Rock and Roll.